I had a terrible dream this afternoon. Yes, it’s lockdown time, and so, afternoon siestas are the order of the day. Thank God, it was just a dream… rather, a nightmare! Here’s what I dreamt:
Even as Bollywood is grappling with the terrible news of promising star Sushant Singh Rajput’s suicide on 14th June, Hindi film lovers have been dealt yet another severe blow: Bollywood was found dead this noon (18th June)! She is survived by crores of cinema lovers.
Although the moral police is investigating, initial reports suggest that Bollywood had lost the will to live, a day after the unfortunate demise of Sushant Singh Rajput. However, a new angle was added when the moral police issued a press release this morning to suggest that it was a case of murder! Yes, murder!!
It is being said that the very popular industry was attacked by murderers who had learnt that she (industry) was already depressed due to COVID-19, lockdown and the recent loss of stars like Rishi Kapoor, Irrfan Khan and Wajid and, more recently, Sushant Singh Rajput. A very reliable source whispered into my ear that the murder was the handiwork of some insiders and some outsiders. Problems started on 15th June when a couple of people started a tirade (read rape) against the largest film industry in the world. It is still not known whether they worked in tandem or individually. What is baffling the moral police is that if they were not in cohorts, how did they both think of raping and taking away the life of the industry which provided entertainment to millions across the world and jobs to lakhs of people including both of them. One veteran, wishing to remain anonymous, said that a couple of more people — again from within the industry — joined what is now being termed as ‘Mission Kill Bollywood’ after the initial insiders attacked Bollywood. They were further joined by more outsiders.
Medical experts are of the opinion that Bollywood could have probably survived the rape and attempt to murder but what proved to be the last straw on the camel’s back was that the rape and attempt to murder were committed in full public view. Bollywood completely lost her will to live when many members of the public, rather than sympathising with Bollywood, started to talk about the possibility that the character of Bollywood may have been loose, leading to its rape. It is common knowledge that the gullible public wants to believe the worst about celebrities, and the industry insiders went hammer and tongs for Bollywood, based on the above philosophy. Fed on umpteen films in which villains and rapists allege that the girl lured them to have sex with her, the innocent public believed that Bollywood may also have been an industry without much character, especially because insiders, however few they may have been, were saying exactly that, before raping and attacking Bollywood. There were many outsiders who were watching the plight of Bollywood but were not ready to come to her rescue. Unlike in every Hindi film, no hero — neither from within the industry nor from the millions of her fans spread across the globe — came to the rescue of the damsel in distress. It is not even known who admitted the film industry to a nearby hospital.
What was also saddening was that very few from Bollywood came forward to donate blood to the industry which was lying grievously in the ICU on 15th June. Actor Gajendra Chauhan (who was ridiculed when he was made the chairman of the FTII), Ashoke Pandit (president of the Indian Film & Television Directors’ Association) and film trade analyst Komal Nahta tried their best to revive the industry by donating blood but failed. The three were seen running from one blood bank (read television news channel) to the other but, unfortunately, every blood bank turned them down, refusing to collect their blood in bottles to be taken to the ICU where the breathless Bollywood had been already put on ventilator. It is being said that while a lot of industry people’s hearts bled when they saw Bollywood being raped, they did not turn up to save the industry because they were fearful of the insiders as well as outsiders who had launched vicious attacks on her. The hospital discharged the dying film industry later during the day on 15th in a condition so pathetic that there were hardly any chances of survival. Once out of hospital, there was huge loss of blood once again as news television channels and digital entertainment channels supported the handful of insiders and further raped the film industry repeatedly in full public view even as cinema lovers cried tears of blood. Many members of the public could be seen seething in anger as the insiders and TV news and digital channels mauled Bollywood even as she lay helplessly on a social media platform, having been asked to leave the hospital. Bollywood’s cries for help were drowned in the cacophony created by cameras and hosts of a number of television news channels which had gathered at the site. “Rotten”, “terrible”, “scheming”, “nepotistic”, “shameless” and even worse words were used to describe the film industry.
Unable to bear the humiliation, Bollywood tried to survive for two days but breathed its last today (June 18) at 12 noon. As a dialogue writer very aptly and tearfully remarked, “Jab ghar ke andar ke log hee industry ke peechhe pad jaaye toh samajh lo, barah to bajne hee waale hain.” Very sadly, Bollywood, which sends its lovers home in a happy state of mind film after film, had such a sad ending this noon.
P.S.: The few insiders and television news channels will be leading the funeral procession of Bollywood tomorrow morning as the rest of Bollywood and lovers of cinema will be mourning its demise with silent tears.
