FLASHBACK | 15 September, 2023
(From our issue dated 19th September, 1998)

LATEST POSITION

Heavy rains in different parts of the country played havoc with the box-office which even otherwise was in the doldrums.

Tirchhi Topiwale has done well only in some centres due to lack of oppositions. For the rest, it has done poor. 1st week Bombay 26,67,723 (66.66%) from 11 cinemas; Ahmedabad 3,50,825 from 4 cinemas, Baroda 85,345, Rajkot 78,880; Pune 3,60,062 from 4 cinemas, Kolhapur 80,718; Delhi 9,68,146 (42.78%) from 6 cinemas; Kanpur 66,454, Lucknow (21 shows) 92,239, Allahabad 48,500; Amritsar 54,110; Calcutta 3,95,496 from 4 cinemas; Nagpur 1,22,735 from 2 cinemas, Amravati 1,10,659, Akola 85,000; Indore 60,000 (2 on F.H.), Bhopal 70,000; Jaipur 3,24,360 from 2 cinemas; Hyderabad 11,78,744 from 10 cinemas (2 in noon).

………….

Dil Se.. 4th week Bombay 9,58,819 (68.46%) from 3 cinemas (2 on F.H.); Ahmedabad (mg. shows) 12,584 (2 unrecd.); Pune 4,73,559 from 5 cinemas (1 in matinee), Solapur 46,332; Delhi 14,11,366 from 5 cinemas; Kanpur 1,04,870, Lucknow 1,84,623, Varanasi 67,107, Allahabad 68,500, Bareilly (6 days) 27,839; Calcutta 1,42,613; Nagpur (6 days) 74,454 from 2 cinemas, Jabalpur (6 days) 46,262, Akola (6 days) 24,016, Raipur (6 days) 43,683, Bhilai (6 days) 31,200, 1st week Yavatmal 69,424; 4th week Indore 72,003, Bhopal 50,914; Jaipur 1,25,008; Hyderabad 4,97,087 from 3 cinemas (1 in noon), Aurangabad 2 weeks’ total 4,19,000.

Pyaar To Hona Hi Tha 8th week Bombay 33,82,101 (84.84%) from 10 cinemas (5 on F.H.); Ahmedabad 2,01,438 from 2 cinemas, Rajkot (matinee) 9,425, Jamnagar 40,583, total 6,28,075; Pune 4,09,494 from 3 cinemas, Kolhapur 59,000, Solapur (matinee) 21,347; Delhi 6,59,544 from 3 cinemas; Kanpur 80,084, Lucknow 1,71,870, 7th week Varanasi 81,353, Allahabad 45,100, 8th week Meerut 74,298, 6th Bareilly 41,559; 8th week Calcutta 1,38,469; Nagpur 1,13,359 from 2 cinemas, 6th week Jabalpur 1,14,824, total 9,80,700, 8th Amravati 51,115, Akola 65,050, total 9,15,500, Raipur 70,622, Bhilai 30,533; Indore 1,17,917, Bhopal 75,046; Ajmer 60,165; Hyderabad 3,06,216 from 2 cinemas (1 in noon), 7th week Aurangabad 1,18,000.

NATRAJ, KOTA SOLD

Natraj Cinema of Kota has been sold. The cinema, which is closed now, will reopen shortly, after renovations are carried out by the new owners.

WEBSITE ON INDIAN FILMS LAUNCHED

Mitter Infotech, a computer software company, has announced the launch of a new website, www.channelbollywood.com, where Internet users from all over the world will be provided access to various information on the Indian film industry. The website is designed as a film magazine which includes topics like film reviews, list of hit and flop films, music ratings etc., apart from articles on filmmaking and career guidance. Other proposed features include photo galleries where the users will be able to download photographs of stars.

The launch of the website will coincide with an online chat session with Shammi Kapoor at 8 p.m. today (19th September). The chat session will be hosted by the American Internet giant, Yahoo! Inc. The website will be formally launched at a party at CCI, Churchgate, Bombay, today.

MAZHAR KHAN DEAD

Actor-producer-director Mazhar Khan died at Lilavati Hospital at Bandra, Bombay on 16th September at 5.30 p.m. He was 42 and was suffering from a kidney and other ailments. He had been on dialysis since 10 months.

Mazhar was admitted to the hospital on 15th morning and was put on dailysis immediately thereafter. He had also been undergoing treatment abroad for kidney failure and pancreatic problems.

Mazhar got his break as an actor in Ramesh Sippy’s Shaan, in which he played a lame beggar. He worked in several films thereafter and was also well-received in Ramesh Sippy’s television serial, Buniyaad. He turned a producer and director with Gang which he started six to seven years ago but which could not be completed even till his death. Bharat Shah had stepped in into the venture some time back. Only a few days’ shooting remains to be done to complete the project starring Nana Patekar, Jackie Shroff, Juhi Chawla and Javed Jaffri.

Mazhar was married twice, the second time to Zeenat Aman from whom he had two children. Zeenat and Mazhar had been divorced some time ago. His first wife was abroad with their son when Mazhar passed away.

He was buried on the night of 16th at the Santacruz cemetery.

GOPAL SRIVASTAVA DEAD

Publicist Gopal Srivastava expired on 13th September at Bombay Hospital. He was 60 and was the regular publicist of films made by J. Om Prakash and Rakesh Roshan. He used to also be the publicist of Rakesh Roshan when the latter was an actor.

Gopal had been admitted to hospital a few days back for a severe ailment but his condition only deteriorated. His last rites were performed on the afternoon of 17th at Chandanwadi crematorium. Commander (retd.) R.P. Rai, a school-friend of Gopal and now a director at Bombay Hospital, was very helpful in completing all the required formalities at the hospital since no relative of Gopal lives in Bombay. Another friend, Col. (retd.) Janak Kalia, was also helpful.

CBFC REBUKES PRODUCERS FOR NON-COMPLIANCE WITH RULES

In a recent communication addressed to producers’ associations, the CBFC has reprimanded film producers and distributors for non-compliance with Rule 38 of the Cinematograph (Certification) Rules. The said rule states that the category of the censor certificate issued to the film must be clearly mentioned while advertising the film in any manner (be it through newspaper ads, hoardings, posters, handbills or trailers). The letter, signed by CBFC  chairperson Asha Parekh, also warns that strict action would be taken against those who violate the rule. In a reply to the CBFC, the Association of Motion Pictures & TV Programme Producers (AMPTPP) has pointed out the impracticality of the CBFC suggestion. As things stand, getting a film certified by the censors remains the last stage in film production, with most films being released within two to three weeks after their being certified. On the other hand, the time required for the printing of a film’s publicity materials is normally between six and eight weeks. Moreover, a publicity campaign for a film needs to run for at least six to eight weeks before its release, if it is to prove effective. Thus it becomes imperative for the publicity materials to go into print long before the censor certificate is applied for, thereby making it impossible for them to carry the category of the censor certificate issued.

Perhaps, the CBFC will pay heed to these simple facts.

U.A. THADANI ELECTED TOA PRESIDENT

U.A. Thadani was elected president of the Theatre Owners’ Association for 1998-99 at the first meeting of the council of management of the TOA, held on 16th September in Bombay. R.V. Vidhani was elected vice president, C.N. Mirani, hon. treasurer, and Nester D’souza, hon. secretary. Earlier, at the annual general meeting of the Association, the following other members were elected: Indulal D. Shah, Kiran Shantaram, R.P. Anand, N.F. Sidhwa, F.C. Mehra, R.F. Balaporia, Salim Ebrahim, K.A. Thadani, N.F. Damania, N.N. Menon, Milap B. Joshi and Girivarsinh.

Baseless Rumours Spread By Interested Parties

It happens when two big films are slated for release on the same day. And so it is happening in the case of the two big Diwali releases — Bade Miyan Chote Miyan and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. People associated with each of the two films insist that their film will hit the screens on October 16 but the other film has been postponed. That is to say, people interested in KKHH are spreading rumours that BMCM has been postponed, whereas persons interested in BMCM swear that in the case of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, kuch kuch ho gaya hai and, therefore, the film will not hit the screens on Diwali.

Of course, there’s just no truth in both claims as they are based on no facts whatsoever. It is all loose talk, indulged into to spread panic. The fact is that as of today, both, BMCM and KKHH, are being readied for release on Diwali.

44 Members In Fray For IMPPA Executive Committee

The elections to the executive committee of the Indian Motion Picture Producers’ Association, to be held on 28th September after its annual general meeting, will be a keenly contested affair. For, as many as 32 members (including 11 sitting members) will contest for 16 seats in the Ordinary Class, and 12 members (including five sitting members) will contest for five seats in the Associate Class I.

Subject to withdrawal, the following 32 members will contest in the Ordinary Class: Anil Ganguly, Avtar Bhogal, B. Subhash, Boota Singh Shaad, Dara Singh, Deepak Shivdasani, K.D. Shorey, K. Pappu, Kant Kumar, Kulwant Jani, Madan Mohla, Mukesh Bhatt, N.R. (Babloo) Pachisia, Nitin Manmohan (Panchamiya), Pawan Kumar, Prakash Jha, Pranlal Mehta, Preeti Sapru, Rajeev Kumar, Saawan Kumar Tak, Satish Khanna, Satyendra Pal Chaudhary, Shakti Samanta, Shanoo Mehra, Sharukh Mirza Beig, Sujit Kumar, Sultan Ahmed, Sundeep Sethi, Surendra Bohra, Sushama Shiromanee, Vinay Kumar Sinha and Vinod Talwar.

In the Associate Class I, the contest will be among the following 12 members: Anand Girdhar, Arjun Hingorani, B.R. Ishara, Darshan Sabarwal, Dimppy Ramdayal, Johny Bakshi, Kamal Sadanah, Rajiv Suri, Ranjeet, S.K. Kapur, Surendra Mohan and Surjit Aujla.

Although three members (Vinod Talwar, Arjun Hingorani and Rajiv Suri) will contest independently, the fight this year seems to be mainly between two groups — Sultan Ahmed’s United Group and Shakti Samanta’s group.

Sultan Ahmed’s group consists of the following members, besides himself, in the Ordinary Class: Anil Ganguly, Avtar Bhogal, Boota Singh Shaad, Dara Singh, Deepak Shivdasani, K. Pappu, Kant Kumar, Kulwant Jani, Nitin Manmohan, Prakash Jha, Preeti Sapru, Shanoo Mehra, Sharukh Mirza Beig, Sujit Kumar and Sundeep Sethi. In the Associate Class I, the following members are being fielded by the United group: Anand Girdhar, B.R. Ishara, Kamal Sadanah, Ranjeet and Surendra Mohan.

The group, led by Shakti Samanta, consists of the following contestants, besides Samanta himself, in the Ordinary Class: B. Subhash, Dara Singh, K.D. Shorey, Madan Mohla, Mukesh Bhatt, N.R. (Babloo) Pachisia, Pawan Kumar, Pranlal Mehta, Rajeev Kumar, Saawan Kumar Tak, Satish Khanna, Satyendra Pal Chaudhary, Surendra Bohra, Sushama Shiromanee and Vinay Kumar Sinha. In the Associate Class I, the group’s candidates are: Darshan Sabarwal, Dimppy Ramdayal, Johny Bakshi, S.K. Kapur and Surjit Aujla.

GLAMOROUS IMPPA ELECTIONS

The IMPPA elections this year will see at least six artistes battling it out. Dara Singh, Sujit Kumar, Preeti Sapru, Sushama Shiromanee, Kamal Sadanah and Ranjeet can be expected to get in some glamour in the elections to the executive committee of the biggest body of film producers.

IMPPA Presidents, Present And Past, Battle It Out For The Chair

The fight this year on the IMPPA election front is basically one between Sultan Ahmed and Shakti Samanta. Both are contenders for the IMPPA president’s chair and, coincidentally, both have been presidents in the past too. In fact, Sultan Ahmed is completing his fourth consecutive term as president of the Indian Motion Picture Producers’ Association this month, and Shakti Samanta has been president for four terms before that — of which three terms were consecutive.

As in any election, allegations and counter-allegations are being freely traded between the too warring groups. Supporters of Sultan Ahmed quite bluntly say that Shakti Samanta is eyeing the president’s chair because he is no longer the CBFC chairman and, therefore, has a lot of free time on hand. Detractors of Shakti Samanta also feel, the man is too non-committal and rarely, if ever, takes a stand. On the other hand, they say, Sultan Ahmed is frank and bold. Perhaps, that is why, Sultan Ahmed commented, “The opposition is planning to have a dummy president.”

On their part, the pro-Shakti Samanta members feel, Sultan Ahmed has done precious little for the Association in his four-year tenure and they argue that he (Sultan) has reduced the IMPPA to almost a non-functioning body. On his part, Sultan Ahmed denies that he hasn’t done much for the Association, its members and the film industry. According to him, his had been one of the strongest voices that demanded an industry status for the Indian film industry. As far as the state government of Maharashtra was concerned, Sultan Ahmed, through various apex bodies like the FMC and the CHAMPP, had been instrumental in persuading the government to grant subsidy of Rs. 15 lakh, apart from 100% tax-exemption to Marathi films. The IMPPA president personally met with the I & B minister, as part of a delegation, and helped in impressing upon the minister the need to rationally interpret the CBFC guidelines on depiction of animals in films. Few are aware that Sultan had made personal efforts to avoid imposing restrictions on foreign channels operating in India as doing so would result in widespread unemployment in the entertainment industry. He has also been one of those who successfully persuaded the U.P. government to reduce entertainment tax in the state from 125% to 100%. Sultan Ahmed was one of those who led the film industry’s campaign against cable piracy. Moreover, he has been instrumental in the formation of a joint tribunal between the IMPPA and the EIMPA. Sultan Ahmed was also instrumental in settling the dispute between producer B.B. Bhalla and Essel Vision, which was financing the former’s Tune Mera Dil Le Liya. He also settled the dispute between television producer Neerja Guleri and her director, Sunil Agnihotri. He intervened in the legal battle between producers and video rights owners in the Bombay high court and helped to arrive at distinctive definitions of different video and cable rights.

To Sultan Ahmed’s claims of achievements, Shakti Samanta’s supporters ask just one question, “In how many of his achievements has Sultan Ahmed alone done something? He is simply trying to hog the limelight for work done by industry leaders collectively.”

When contacted, Saawan Kumar of the Samanta faction told Information, “I feel, what the industry lacks today is unity. The need of the hour is to unify all the various Associations in the film trade and bring them under one umbrella. There has also been a lot of talk, over the past few years, about betterment of the film industry and what not. But these have remained just talks. There hasn’t been any real action taken on various key issues including video and cable piracy. The cable operators continue to air new films within days of their theatrical releases. If IMPPA is really concerned about the issue, there are various ways and means to achieve a complete eradication of cable piracy. Sadly, I cannot elaborate on them as that will amount to educating the opposition.

“Shakti Samanta has been unable to actively participate in IMPPA’s activities over the past few years as he had to devote a lot of time functioning as the CBFC chairman,” added Tak. “But now, he has come forward and promised his full co-operation in every mater concerning IMPPA. We have absolutely no doubt in his leadership abilities, which is why we are supporting him. On the other hand, Sultan Ahmed has done nothing but just talk throughout his term. This is the main reason why a number of his own people have been disillusioned by him and come to us. We have promised them a change for the better. Our actions will speak louder than their words.” Shakti Samanta adds, “The reason why I am contesting these elections after a long gap is that over the past few years, I was very busy working with the CBFC, which left me with very little time for any other activity. But since the time I stepped down from the CBFC chairmanship, I’ve had a number of IMPPA members approaching me with requests to involve myself once again with IMPPA activities. So, in effect, you can say that I am in the fray due to the wishes of a large section of IMPPA members.”

In the meantime, it may be mentioned here that Saawan Kumar too was keen on the IMPPA presidentship but ultimately agreed to join forces with Shakti Samanta who, if the group wins a majority, will occupy the president’s chair. K.D. Shorey, also of the Shakti Samanta group, has been known to be too fond of the coveted chair which has been eluding him for years. S.K. Kapur is also said to have apologised to Sultan Ahmed for joining hands with Shakti Samanta although his sympathies are with both the groups.

While Sultan Ahmed’s group may be given credit for ushering in fresh and young blood into IMPPA by proposing the candidatures of such producers as Kamal Sadanah, Preeti Sapru, Deepak Shivdasani, etc., there is at least one candidate whose inclusion in his group may well see it face embarrassing questions. That candidate is Anand Girdhar who is currently employed with the Zee group. It is common knowledge that Zee and the film industry are at loggerheads over the issue of cable piracy. Anand Girdhar, who even otherwise has not produced a film for many years now, is viewed as a member of the enemy (Zee) and, like a Shakti Samanta supporter said, “He deserves no place in IMPPA in today’s times.”

HADD KAR DI!

Dara Singh seems to be the favourite of both the groups. For, while Sultan Ahmed’s group claims that Dara Singh is contesting from their group, Shakti Samanta’s group claims that he is contesting from their group. In fact, the lists of candidates issued by both the rival groups show Dara Singh’s name. As for Dara-ji, he is tight-lipped about which group his loyalties lie with. Hadd kar di, Dara-ji — if one may borrow from the name of the serial starring the actor!

IMPPA TO HONOUR FIVE INDUSTRY PEOPLE

Producers Gulshan Behl and Gulshan Rai, lyricist Anand Bakshi, singer-actress Suraiya and late producer Aspi H. Irani are the five veterans who will be felicitated this year by the IMPPA at its 59th annual general meeting on 28th September at ISKCON, Juhu, Bombay. IMPPA honours five veterans every year, for their contributions to the industry.

M.P. Cinema Trade Closure Called Off Following M.P Assembly Elections Announcement
M.P. Bandh Cancellation Becomes CCCA Election Issue

The Madhya Pradesh cinema closure, which was scheduled to start on 17th September, was called off on 16th. This followed the announcement of assembly elections in the state because of which the election code of conduct rules came into operation. No government is permitted to give any reliefs during the time the code of conduct rules remain in operation. It would, therefore, be futile for the M.P. cinemas to close down indefinitely because the government, even if it wanted to help the industry, would not be able to give or announce any reliefs.

CCCA president Santosh Singh Jain met M.P. chief minister Digvijay Singh on 15th and was told by the latter about the applicability of the code of conduct rules. Following that meeting, Jain announced that the indefinite closure of cinemas against the anti-industry policies of the state government would be postponed for the present.

As it is, many distributors and exhibitors, especially of Indore and Ujjain, were against the closure and had, in a meeting held on 14th September in Indore, even decided to call for a postponement of the strike. The meeting was presided over by Joharilal Jhanjharia and attended by about 90 members. Besides Jhanjharia, the others who were vociferous in condemning the timing of the proposed closure were Premdev of Devshri and Abhinayshri cinemas, Indore, Ajit Kasliwal of Smriti and Kusum cinemas, Indore, R.S. Khetawat of Neelkamal Talkies, Indore, Dinesh Gupta and O.P. Goyal. Several members decried the proposed closure and even said, it was an election stunt of Santosh Singh Jain to garner votes in the CCCA elections.

Whether or not it was an election ploy, the calling off of the closure is sure to have serious repercussions on the voting pattern in the CCCA elections scheduled to take place on 27th September in Nagpur. The opposition panel has already started poking fun at, what they term, Santosh Singh Jain’s “lack of planning and short-sightedness”. The opposition also questions the logic of first calling for the cinema closure even though it was common knowledge that the assembly elections were due to be announced any day, and then calling it off. The Jain panel may find itself in a tight corner while trying to answer this question which has been made an election issue by the opposition. The opposition is also blaming the ruling group of having wasted a couple of lakhs of rupees of the Association for printing posters of the closure, sending telegrams for the bandh to all the exhibitors of the state, etc., what to talk of the waste of precious time and energy.

YOU ASKED IT

Which actor has played the maximum number of double roles?

– Undoubtedly, Amitabh Bachchan. Even three of his forthcoming films have him in double roles. They are BADE MIYAN CHOTE MIYAN, LAL BAADSHAH and SURYAVANSH.

In your opinion, how many seats will Santosh Singh Jain’s panel bag in the CCCA elections on 27th September?

– 100% victory for the Jain panel seems to be out of question because there’s a tough opposition this year. As regards the number of seats, let the panel be decided first (read details elsewhere in this issue).

Which film has had the maximum number of songs?

– Madan Theatres’ INDRA SABAH, released in 1932, had 71 songs! Madan Theatres’ three other films viz. CHATRABAKAVALI , GURU ZARINA and BILWAMANGAL, also produced in 1932, had 41, 37 and 27 songs respectively. The Tamil film, PAVILAKODI, released in 1934, had 50 songs, and Tamil SRI KRISHNA LEELA, released the same year, had 62 songs.

DO YOU KNOW?

* It will be a Dharmendra film festival now. His SHER KHAN will hit the screens next week, to be followed by KALICHARAN on 2nd October, and NYAYDAATA on 9th. This week, Dharmendra-starrer ZULM-O-SITAM has been released in Bombay.

* MAUT has created a city record by collecting 34,000/- on the opening day at Rajkamal, Jalgaon.

* SATYA (tax-free) has created a Khandesh record once again by collecting 73,744/- in 4th week at Ashok, Jalgaon.

* TITANIC has created a South Gujarat record for English films by collecting a total of 6,45,474/- in 3 weeks from Shree, Vapi.

‘SOON LADKI…’ GROWING FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH

* SOON LADKI SASARCHI (Marathi; tax-free) is creating havoc in different centres, including ‘C’ class centres, of Maharashtra. It created a record in Nasik by collecting 45,451/- in 1st week and 56,780/- in 2nd week at Vijayanand, despite heavy rains and floods in Nasik. At Prasad, Vita (a ‘C’ class centre), it has created a record by collecting 21,600/- in 1st week and 30,110/- in 2nd week. Share of 2 weeks: 42,000/-, an all-time record! At Manmad, the film collected 55,617/- in 2nd week in spite of heavy rains. At Vishnu, Kopargaon, also, it created a record by collecting 24,650/- and 35,230/- in 1st and 2nd weeks respectively, despite rains. It collected 34,019/- in 1st week at Shivanta, Junnar, despite floods and a poor start (2,200/- on 1st day and 8,717/- on 7th day). It has collected 40,023/- in 2nd week (21 shows) at Rajmahal, Karad.

MIX MASALA

DIFFERENT STANDARDS FOR DIFFERENT MEMBERS

Apropos CCCA president Santosh Singh Jain’s comment (published in our issue last week) that he was unhappy with C.P. distributor Laloo (B.N.) Kabra and was, therefore, not including his name in his panel because, among other things, he (Laloo) supplied prints to SMR cinemas, a supporter of Laloo has sent us this bit of interesting information: Vijaya cinema of Korba is not a CCCA member; yet, it has recently screened Mere Do Anmol Ratan and Kshatriya. Mere Do Anmol Ratan is being distributed by Laddha Bros. (of which Azad Laddha is a siting member of the executive committee and will also be re-contesting from Santosh Singh Jain’s panel). Kshatriya is being distributed by S.R. & Bros. (of which Vijay Rathi is again a sitting member and a contestant from Jain’s panel). The questin is not how Laddha and Rathi screened their films in a non-member cinema (everybody does it!) but how Santosh Singh Jain overlooked this fact while not forgetting to ignore Laloo’s supply of prints to SMR cinemas.

3-E
Education-Entertainment-Enlightenment

Censors Strike Again

In a recent case in Madras, the censors have once again laid bare their double standards in deciding what is fit for viewing by different language-speaking communities in India. Why else would they demand a deletion of three scenes from the Hindi dubbed version of a Malayalam film titled Blind Sex, which was already granted an ‘A’ certificate by the Madras office of the CBFC? The censors’ demand is baffling as it is strictly in contradiction of the guidelines which state that the censors can order no cuts of visual nature while approving a dubbed film, the original version of which has already been issued a censor certificate. This was also upheld by the Bombay high court in the case of Mira Nair versus CBFC last year. The censors had then granted an ‘A’ certificate to the original (English) version of Kama Sutra. However, when the film’s Hindi, Tamil and Telugu dubbed versions were applied for, the censors had demanded further cuts in the visuals. Director Mira Nair contested the censors’ demand in the court which ruled in her favour, stating, ‘the examining committee (of the CBFC) shall confine itself to censorship of the audio track (alone)’. It is amply evident then that in demanding more visual cuts in the dubbed version of Blind Sex, the censors have shown utter disregard for the high court ruling, as also their hypocrisy inasmuch as the fact that, in the censors’ opinion, certain language-speaking audiences are more mature than others.

As if this were not enough, the censors have also demanded that the title of the Hindi dubbed version of Blind Sex be changed from Andhi Vasna to just Vasna! Now, what sense does this make, only the censors can tell… but it sure looks like a call of the censors’ strike again, wot?

Sailing To Shoot

Producer-director Rakesh Roshan will soon embark upon a shooting voyage in the Indian Ocean. He is due to set off for Bangkok by sea on 5th November, with a crew of over 80 people, for two shooting stints of 10 days each for Kaho Naa…Pyaar Hai. The first stint will begin aboard the very ship which will take the unit to Bangkok, in a journey that will last 10 days. After arriving in Bangkok on the 14th, he will commence another shooting spell which will also include extensive under-water photography. And, for the people who are comparing the film with Titanic, we ain’t saying nothing. We just wish him ‘Bon Voyage’!

One Film, Two Heroes, Two Climaxes

A new Malayalam film, Harikrishnans, has achieved the rare distinction of having been simultaneously released with two different endings! The film, which brings together the two stalwarts of Malayalam cinema, Mammootty and Mohan Lal, is released with two different climaxes with an aim to please the fan-followings of both the stars. Such a move is necessitated due to a severe crisis in the Malayalam film industry, which has resulted in losses worth Rs. 35-40 crore on account of nearly 65 to 70 films lying unfinished in the cans. A rapid increase in costs of making films has resulted in such an alarming rate of films lying incomplete. To add to the Malayalam film industry’s woes, the percentage of hits per year has dwindled to five, while that of films recovering their costs, to 15. These are the main reasons that have brought together the two biggest Malayalam film stars in a film, after a cut-throat rivalry over the numero uno position during the past decade or so. The Malayalam film industry, in the meantime, is watching the outcome of the stars’ combined appeal at the box-office. Incidentally, the industry has introduced self-regulation whereby only one film is released in a week as a corrective measure against the current crisis.

Maha-Jinxed Film Titles

Time for another look at the jinxed titles of Hindi films. With the non-success of Maharaja, it has been proved once again that films with Maha in their titles never work at the box-office. Our resident statistician has once again burnt a lot of midnight oil and has finally come up with a number of films beginning with Maha, which proved to be maha bombs at the box-office. Here’s the list — Maha-Sangram, Mahaguru, Mahaadev, Mahaan, Mahakaal, Mahashakti, Maha Chor, Maha Badmash, Maha Shaktishali, Mahaveera, Maha Shaktimaan and the latest, Maharaja. Our resident statistician further informs that there is only a single exception to the above rule, but it pertains to television as B.R. Chopra’s serial, Mahabharat, proved to be a record-breaker in terms of popularity. So there!

Dream Merchant

Bollywood Goes Bill Bill

Pick up any newspaper and you have US president Bill Clinton and his ex-girlfriend, Monica Lewinsky, staring you in the face. Reams and reams of newsprint contain material about the sex liaison between Billy Boy and the White House intern, Monica.

As expected, I dreamt about the two of them last night. I dreamt that our Bollywood writers had written umpteen scripts inspired by the Kenneth Starr report about the sexual escapades of the American rashtrapati (maybe, Bill translated the Hindi word literally and, therefore, attempted to play pati to the entire rashtra!) and the intern half his age. Suddenly, our producers and directors seemed to have all decided to make films on the biggest sex scandal of the century.

I bumped into Ramesh Taurani who blushed a deep red when I asked him if he was planning a film on Bill and Monica. “Aap ko kaise maloom chala?”, he asked, and then revealed, “Yes, I am planning such  a film and it will be called Jab Sex Kisise Hota Hai. Taurani, however, refused to divulge any more information just like Bill Clinton had refused to give any information to Starr.

Gordhan Tanwani, flush from the success of Pyaar To Hona Hi Tha, was more forthcoming. “See, we are planning three films, based on the Bill-Monica love story, in quick succession of one another,” he said. “The last two will be like sequels to the first.” And what will the three romantic sagas be titled? “The first one will be called Sex To Hona Hi Tha, to be followed by Monica Ko Dress To Dhona Hi Tha… (note the three dots) and the last one, …Nahin To Expose To Hona Hi Tha.” Brilliant, I thought. Tanwani further informed, “Sex To…. will be directed by South’s I.V. Sasi. For Monica…..Dhona…, who better than Vinod Chopra who seems to be an authority on dhobis, laundries and dhona-vona. The last in the trilogy will be directed by my favourite, Indra Kumar, because of his penchant to expose limitlessly — expose raw stock, I mean.”

Sohail Khan told me, he had postponed Hello Brother for a while and would instead be starting a love story titled Lafda Kiya To Darna Kya. Salman Khan would play Bill Clinton in the film since the love story was about Bill’s real-life adventures. Sohail also added, “Most probably, Arbaaz Khan will play the role of Kenneth Starr. The search is on for a new girl to play Monica Lewinsky. An established heroine will play Hillary Clinton.”

Writer-turned-producer Bhaarat B. Bhalla was the happiest. He said that like there was a silver lining to every dark cloud, the delay in completion of his Tune Mera Dil Le Liya also had a positive side. “Now,” he whispered excitedly, “I’ve decided to just add a few scenes to incorporate the Bill-Hillary-Monica triangle to my romantic story. I think, I can wrap up the film in just 10 days. Since I’m a writer myself, I’ve taken care not to harm the earlier story while adding masala through the additions. And I don’t even have to think of a new title. I will get it changed to Tune Mera Bill Le Liya!”

David Dhawan couldn’t control his excitement. “My team of writers has come up with something really ‘hillary’ious, you will laugh your guts out,” he shouted with joy. “My film on the romance between Clinton and Lewinsky will be titled Mr. & Mrs. Khiladi. Amitabh Bachchan will play Bill Clinton and this will actually be the first time he will be playing his age. Rekha will play Monica Lewinsky and I’m planning to take Jaya Bachchan as Hillary. Yeh film Hill-a ke rakh degi, mera Bill — sorry, dilkehta hai!”

Rajkumar Santoshi telephoned from Alaska (where he is shooting Pukaar) to say that he was making a love story inspired by the US President’s sex scandal. “From Alaska, I’m going to New York to dig more details,” he cried with joy. “I’ll start this film no sooner China Gate is over and I’ll call it Monicagate.”

Yet another call from phoren land was Rakesh Roshan’s. “Thank God,” sighed Rakesh long-distance, “I’ve just begun Kaho Naa…Pyaar Hai. So it won’t be difficult to make some script changes to incorporate the story of Bill’s dil ka rog and Hill’s dil ka dukh. Imagine, what my film is going to turn out to be — an inspiration from Titanic as well as the titanic sex drama of this century, which may ultimately make the US President sink. Ah yes, please announce in your trade paper that I’ve altered the title of my film to Kaho Naa…Hua!”

The otherwise media-shy Shyam Bajaj, too, seemed to have joined the bandwagon of film producers who were running to the press to make announcements of their Bill films. Shyam spoke in soft tones but could not succeed in hiding his new-found joy. “Bill Ne Phir Yaad Kiya, that’s the title of my next. We will launch the film on 14th February, Valentine’s Day, with a song recording. The first song will be a parody of the Tere naina mere nainon ki kyon bhaasha bole bole bole song from my Bandhan. For a feel of the new song which will be picturised on the hero (playing Bill Clinton) and heroine (playing Monica), I’ll give you an antra:

Tera jhoome jo badan
Zameen dole dole dole
Mere sau tonne ke wazan
Chal haule haule haule”

Umesh Mehra was initially tight-lipped about his version of the Bill-Monica sex-saga. But, after a lot of prodding, he spilled the beans.”Yes, my version of the Clinton kahani will be an Indo-Russian co-production. The Russian president will himself direct the muhurt shot at Bombay’s Film City. This would be one way to get back at the US President, so feels Yeltsin.” When asked to reveal more details of the film, Mehra added, “Dilip Kumar will play the hero. The film will be called Billa Ka Qila Kyon Hilla.” “Koi distributor milla?”, I queried and left without waiting for a reply.

Music company-turned-producers Polygram informed that although they will not indulge in bhed chaal, they will, nevertheless, put pictures of Bill Clinton on all the posters and banners of their due-for-release film, Jhooth Bole Kauwa Kaate. “People can associate the connection between the picture of Bill and the title of our film,” said a spokesman of Polygram, wishing to remain anonymous.

Mahesh Bhatt revealed that he had abandoned plans to make a film on the ‘sex, lies and videotape’ story of the twentieth century because “Bill Clinton has admitted to the adultery. Had he not admitted and apologised, I would have made Bill Hai Ke Manta Nahin.”

Ram Gopal Varma said, he would only technically upgrade his Rangeela, add a few scenes (to be shot in 3-D) between Aamir Khan (whose name would be changed to Billu Badshah) and Urmila Matondkar (she’ll be called Monica oh my darling, by Billu Badshah) and re-release the film as Rangeela Billu Ki Satya Kahani (3-D).

Yash Chopra was quite original. In keeping with his penchant for showing his heroines in white, he said, his next love story would be titled Lady In White House. Before he could divulge more information, son Aditya intervened and asked his father to reveal nothing now, but everything in the film!

Sooraj Barjatya was the last to reveal his plans. “See, I might make a film based on the Bill-Monica story but since our films are devoid of sex because hum saaf saaf hain, the story will have a new twist. It will talk of the probable impeachment of Bill Clinton when the president will announce to the world “Hum saath saath thhey”. But the climax will be totally unexpected. Hillary Clinton will address the nation and publicly accept Monica Lewinsky as part of the family. In that sense, the climax will be the opposite of Judaai. It will also expose the foreigners to the advantages of the joint family system, if you know what I mean. Finally, Hillary and Monica will make a joint appearance on television to announce to the world: Hum Saath Saath Hain. Both of them will disown Bill who will tearfully return to his presidential duties, muttering, ‘Maine pyar kiya, maine pyar kiya, phir maine inkaar kiya, phir maine inkaar kiya…'”.

– Komal Nahta